Web Site Design Guidelines

Saturday, November 20 2004 @ 12:04 AM EST

Want to design a web site? Here are a few design tips that you can use.

• Use the most obnoxious color scheme you can think of. Bright yellow text on a light blue background works very well.
• Rather than using HTML, make your entire website out of a giant 1.6MB, interactive Flash movie. This will ensure your visitors are using the latest web browser technology.
• Use as many big images on your page as possible. The more time your users have to spend downloading your pages, the more time they will spend on your site.
• Make your site hard to navigate. People love a challenge.
• Make your site only viewable in your favorite web browser to weed out the people that use different ones you don't like.
• Make text extremely small.
• Put all of your content on one page. Scrolling is fun.
• Be sure to include a hit counter on the bottom of your web pages so people can see how little your site is visited.
• Putting audio on a web site can add spice to it. Be sure to set yours up to automatically play Mambo #5 when the page loads so everyone around your user knows that they are looking at your page.
• Use lots of animated images to draw attention away from the boring text.
• Impress your friends with your programming skills by putting a Java applet on every page on your site.
• Use lots of frames. The more, the better. Use frames within frames for added framing effects.
• MAKE ALL OF YOUR TEXT IN CAPITAL LETTERS. IT WILL HELP GET YOUR POINTS ACROSS.
• Use lots of blinking text to further get your point across.
• Use lots of blue, underlined text that doesn't link to anything. Playing "guess where the link is" is fun.
• Use many popup windows when a user leaves your page so you can remind them of all the wonderful things they might have missed.
• Use lots of unnecessary JavaScript to make sure your page will not work correctly in all browsers.
• Be sure to include lots of speling erors. It reely conveys your professionalizm.
• Make sure that your site works in IE. Nobody needs any other web browser. Bill Gates is your overlord and master. Bill knows best.

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